“Can’t find the courage,
I had last time”

The feeling that accompanies that thought,
Expressed last night,
When we thought we had
An out of control bushfire.

Or, rather,
The feeling that precedes the formulation of the thought,
Is what still haunts me.

An unwillingness, inability,
To dig deep
Find the fortitude
To enter the fray
Of defending from fire again.

Can’t even contemplate
A situation so extraordinary
As being monstered by fires
For so long.

Last time,
The fire plan helped.
Kept us sane,
Kept us calm,
Enabled us to do what was necessary.

We need to prepare another,
But up till now,
Have been unwilling or unable,
Too numb,
To go there again.

This coming winter
We must prepare
For fire next summer.
Start with a written plan.

Small steps.

Consider a cool burn,
With our neighbours.

Yes, practical steps,
But also small steps
To prepare, train, the mind,
Make it strong again.

Wish me luck!