It's not fucking easy you know

Stephen Chinnock

21 April 2020

It’s not fucking easy you know
When you go back to the block
That was once your home
Reduced to rubble
All of your treasured memories
Destroyed and forgotten by others

The man on the job
Hasn’t got that connection
To your history, your past
It’s just a job to be done
And not even within the parameters
Promised by those above

Go ahead reduce it to a flattened version
Of what it was once
But you are treading
On my heart you know
Laying low the shreds
Of my soul and existence
It was my fucking home
Gone and forgotten
By all except me

I feel they are digging
Not only into the land
But all of my history
Combinations of collections
Representing my life
It hurts so much
To lose it all
In one great conflagration
Of fire

Seeing it now
Breaks my heart
Tears at my soul
How can I reconcile
What I’ll never be able
To replace

Gone are my plans
My dreams
Of a future there
I’ll just have to fuck off
To elsewhere

That’s ok to a certain extent
I’m lucky to have come out alive
I can at least consider
A new place nearby
But I can’t go back
To that travesty
Of what was my home!