I hear you

Caroline Yabsley

24 January 2021

I hear you
I hear your anger
You’ve been raging at me
But I haven’t wanted to hear you.
I feel you

I feel your anger
Raging in my solar plexus
How can I not feel it, for heavens sake!
But I haven’t wanted to acknowledge it.

You’re angry at me
For turning away from the house
And letting it burn

You’re angry at me
For turning away from you.
You whose existence required
All those material possessions.

All the treasures, large and small
That evoked memories.
Memories,
That kept you alive.

Shall we look at some of them now.
The Bunnykin plates and cups
Our babies learned to eat from
You would never allow me to discard

The old old lounge suite
You stopped me from selling
So instead we restored it
And I became grateful we had.

The tablecloth my grandmother embroidered
Remained in our possession too
Despite the fact we never used it
It comforted you, knowing it was there.

And there is so much more,
No wonder you’re hurting
Without all these reminders
You think you cannot exist.

I admit I’ve been dishonourable
Believing I can just grieve, then forget.
I’d been ashamed of who I was
Thankful the fire took you away.

I can feel from the ease in my chest now
This is what you’ve been wanting from me.
To be honoured, remembered, and included,
In the new person I am coming to be.

No relaxation, massage or meditation
Can free me from the pain.
But when I listen to you

I feel easy again.
Even though we’ve had tough times
Walked through many dark valleys
Experiences I would rather forget
I see they’re important for you.

For this is who we are.

************

I see now where this is heading.

I will include you, consult you,
As we build our new home
Acquire new possessions.
Reflecting the you and me of me.

And hopefully
You will release your grip
On my solar plexus,
And let me sleep at night.